Viva Las Vegas - March, 2007
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007Lucid reflections of
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Do NOT go to
Las Vegas when the NCAA 1st round tournament, Spring break for most west coast colleges and St. Patrick’s Day fall on the same weekend. You are old enough to be 80% of the visiting population’s parent. -
Hookers appear to run a legal trade in Las Vegas while prostitutes are illegal.
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Besides casinos, the 2 best businesses in
Las Vegas ? Building cranes and silicone. -
After midnight at any casino, 3 out of 6 players at any blackjack table have no idea what they’re doing while 2 out of that 3 have no idea where they are.
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Sign #1 of the Apocalypse - Waking up to a 50-foot videovision of David Hasselhoff (starring in The Producers) plastered across the the front of the Paris Casino.
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Sign on a panhandler’s donation bucket, “Please no silver.”
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Answer when asked why the Hold-Em poker tournament room smelled different, “It’s a mix of the oxygen we pump into the room to keep players awake…and probably testosterone.”
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Best T-shirt slogan (as seen on an extraordinarily well-endowed woman): Quit staring at my tits!
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Las Vegas is where shiny silk shirts, Mr. T chest jewelry for men, the slicked back pompador hair style, sharkskin suits, gold nugget pinky rings and fake Rolex watches all go to die. -
Committing at 3am to having a tattoo of a lizard inked on your butt is always a bad idea
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Brush with celebrity: The Big Dog of the Bounty Hunter TV show note is about 5′7″. His Michelin Man of a blonde wife is 5′5″x5′5″x5′5″
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Do not try to get on an elevator containing Celine Dion and her 3 block-out-the-sun bodyguards as you will be physically barred
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Sign #2 of the Apocalypse: A man in speedos and a robe eating breakfast next to me in the hotel lobby cafe’ at 6am
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If it looks real, it’s fake. If it looks fake, it really is. If it’s both, you’re in
Las Vegas .